You’re alone.
The sad realization that you honestly don’t matter. Thinking things were entirely different to find out you couldn’t be more wrong. It honestly eats you alive. I don’t know what to do with myself. Nothing is helping. Thinking about all these things doesn’t make it better, but pretending they don’t exist only makes it ten times worse when I do allow for it to completely wash over me. I try to tell myself that I’m okay with it, but in all reality I’m not & I honestly feel like I never will be. I want to not care, but I can’t help it. I just do. & it kills me that I do. Cause I know No one honestly cares. & I guess that’s the real shitty part about feeling so damn alone. Realizing that it isn’t just a feeling, but the sad harsh truth. The fact that no amount of wishing, dreaming or hoping will ever change anything because unfortunately this is what you’ve surrounded yourself with. Feeling like you have no one is one thing, but when you honestly know you have no one it is a whole new ballgame & this is one ballgame I don’t want to be involved in. So everyday I just have to keep on pretending that things don’t bother me, keep faking the smiles & laughter even though deep down it’s eating me alive like an infection.
